I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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