I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize