Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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