i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize