I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize