Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
