I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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