I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
