Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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