Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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