Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
