Four minutes until I can fart!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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