Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize