I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
