You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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