you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
