i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize