I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
