It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
