i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
