Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
