Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
