Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
