Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
