Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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