ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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