I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
