Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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