I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
