I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
