it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
