How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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