just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize