I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
please come you make the beer taste better
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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