broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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