fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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