so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
