I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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