apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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