he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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