If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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