drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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