I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
