I wish life had little blips of pornography
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize