I hope mine doesn't look like that
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
