I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
