Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
