literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
