great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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