It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
