So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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