I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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