im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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