lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
