I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
