that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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