i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
