I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
