Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize