i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
