Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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