this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
