I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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