Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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