I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
