oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
