I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
