i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
