Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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