So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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