thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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