i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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