i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
