does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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