i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
