I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
