I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
