Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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