"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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