i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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