How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize