Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
