she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
