the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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