i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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