Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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