How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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