Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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