I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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