; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
