Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
