hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
