rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I could fuck to npr.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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