You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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