I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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