I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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