you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
