i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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