; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
