The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
