on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
