Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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