there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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