i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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