# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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