we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
