dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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