He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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