I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
