Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Randomize
