my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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