Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
