just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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